like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize