I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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