Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
