There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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