so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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