it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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