i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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