im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize