nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My vagina just recognized that song.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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