Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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