I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
