Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
