Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
