filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
