it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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