She said her name was "party"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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