Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
