I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize