Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do herpes really smell.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
