Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
