you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
