I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
