Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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