If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
