Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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