I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
