Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize