babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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