I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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