No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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