on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
