it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
