Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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