my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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