one two three fourrrrnication!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
