weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
