Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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