so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
