what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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