Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
