Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
