Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
