stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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