Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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