Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
