Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
