So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
