Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
