SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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