I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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