Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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