he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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