does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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