Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
