guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
