so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
