So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
