8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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