she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
