i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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