I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
