What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she told me i tasted like america
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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