I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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