He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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